“When I go, I just want my family to have a party.”  I hear that often when I am out and around and folks find out I’m a funeral director.  It sounds good when we are all standing around at the Fourth of July barbecue, but it can come up short when we are really faced with the loss of a husband.  With the right planning, however, and the inclusion of meaningful memorialization, a form of celebration or party can be meaningful and healing for those grieving a loss.  Lets plan the party, but let’s include some helpful therapeutic parts. By sharing  your preferences and instructions with your trusted local funeral director, we can help take care of the details for you and the grieving family members and create a wonderful sendoff.

What does a Funeral-Palooza look like?

A Funeral-Palooza can be a rich and festive affair. It is an organized gathering of friends and family in a social atmosphere.  Similar to a birethday party, anniversary or graduating gathering.   It can include video of the family’s favorite photos of the deceased, items or collections that the deceased acquired over the years, such as pictures, paintings, cars, motorcycles or even baseball caps.  The Funeral-Palooza should have a memorial component that focuses on sharing the stories about the deceased.  The memorial component should be  in an organized and choreographed in a manner to give the memorial portion a definite beginning and end.  The Funeral-Palooza may involve an activity that the attendees can participate in such as teeing up a golf ball and hitting it down range in unison.  Another example would be concluding the formal part of the Funeral-Palooza with a  procession, parade or ride around the community with family and friends on their motorcycle’s, hot rods, antique cars, or even the funeral home limousines.  Some of them might even be adorned with signs and banners with messages of condolence for the family , or favorite sayings of the deceased.  The procession may end up at the home of the family or a reception center, such as the funeral home’s outdoor reception facility to share food and drink while attendees share more of the deceased person’s story.  The important part of all of this is that the people gather to support with each other as they all start to rebuild their lives without the deceased person in a positive manner.

Emotional Evolution

Some say this might be irreverent, but let me point out an observation from many years in witnessing families gather at a life celebration in a small community.  There is the initial shock of realization that the person has died.  Grief shows itself with tears because we miss the deceased person, and we may not know how to go on without them.   However, in many cases after the initial recognition and facing the reality of the death, the mood starts to change as friends and more family arrive. They share hugs to support the bereaved family members and friends. They tell their favorite stories about the deceased and the tears slow.  A small smile often starts to show on the face of the bereaved as they recall these pleasant memories that they realize they will always have.  Their smile usually grows as they see what the deceased family member meant to others and realize that the person will live on in the hearts and memories of others.  In most cases, we hear far more laughter from a gathering in the funeral home than anything else.  Yes . . . really.  We gather to Mourn, but we also gather to celebrate the great memories.  This helps with the emotional evolution of the family.  This helps them start to rebuild their lives without the deceased family member.

Their final wishes

One popular idea is to leave your friends with a list of your wants for a “party after I die” and ask them to put it together for you.  They most likely try their best to do so because “it was your last request”  and these requests have to be followed, right?  Your friends and family, however,  may not be in the right state of mind to be able to handle all of the 141 details that are necessary to develop a healing experience.  Should you really burden them with the entire responsibility?  A trusted funeral director can help prepare the details you requested and ease the emotional strain that friends and family encounter.  Remember your family and friends are in grief, they have enough emotional trauma.  Why heap more on them because they can’t find the right material in your favorite color to drape the reception hall with; or when their computer crashes after spending most of the night formatting 100 pictures for a memorial video that needs to be ready in the morning?

Helpful Guidelines to develop a Funeral-Palooza

The version that works in the real world can be four simple steps:

1. Have your family and friends help decide which memories will best express who you are.
2. Decide which touchstone items might help tell your story best; the set of golf clubs, his motorcycle, her collection of salt shakers etc.
3. Involve a professional funeral planner or creationeer, such as our staff creationeer, Joe E. Pray, to pull it all together in a meaningful and supportive environment.
4. On the day of the Funeral-Palooza your family and friends attend the event that has been organized and overseen for them by a professional.  The professionals will take care of all the directions fo events and behind the scenes details so family and friends don’t have to.  This allows them to  concentrate on supporting each other.  The family’s only responsibility for the celebration is this scenario is to show up and soak up the support from those who attend.

Call the Funeral-Palooza Creationeer

A Funeral-Palooza can be a rich tapestry of the many stories that are weaved together to form a beautiful comforting tribute that helps your family transition to life without you.   Like so many other important events, call a professional planner such as Joe E Pray, the local Funeral and Memorial Creationeer, or your own local funeral director.  I have “one hundred and one” ways to make a memorial unique.   Tell me your thoughts for your Funeral-Palooza, then let’s figure it out . . . it might even be fun.

For more ideas and help with planning your Funeral Palooza check out some of Pray Funeral Home’s unique services,  or some of the ideas that our local folks came up with for their Funeral-Palooza’s.